new year new life

so ive recently just started a new school for sixth at first everything was going fine thought i can do this, ive got kinda used to my subjects, met some new friends but then last week my worlds just come tumbling down my mum wants to separate from my dad and i just dont know why, she says that its been a long time coming and that things between her and my dad havent been right for a long time but i dont see it, it all seemed perfectly fine to me we went on holiday during the summer, my dad goes shopping with her, goes to work like half the day to pay the rent and bills, food and any luxuries if we want them. but no my mum is likes its her time and she needs some her time to do the things she wants like the day after her confession she goes to the cinema and afterwards goes for a curry with one of her mates thats all good and well and im glad shes getting out of the house but what hurts is that when me and dad asked if she wanted to go to the cinema she'd say no and if dad wanted to go out for a meal she'd say we didnt have the money. i just dont understand her. and i think its really unfair to my dad, i love them both very dearly but why do this to him theres no need. i just want to shake her and tell her if she doesnt change now then shes going to lose him forever and he wont ever come back cause hes sick of the rows and her constant moaning. if she dont change now she'll be only and i dont want that. maybe they can work it out maybe all she needs is a bit of time and space for a while but im hoping thats it otherwise my families going to change drastically and i cant bear to see it happen !!!!

so right now im feeling i wish i was anywhere but here, that i had enough money to go anywhere in the world and be anybody i want to and just forget everything thats happened !!!!

thinking im kinda full now

Whenever i seem to visit my aunts and my cousins staying whilst she's not at her flat we always seemed to do a spot of cooking whether it be cakes, cookies, pasta or bacon sandwiches.
Saturday it was spaghetti carbonara with addded pancetta, mushrooms and onion. sunday it was cookies and cream brownies from lorraine pascales book 'baking made easy' and today it has been a new concoction on an old classic the BLT, we had freshly cut bread, bacon, melting cheese much like brie, tomatoes, lettuce and cucumber. some may say woooow what a fatty but i say to them whats the point of life if u dont eat what u like, u cant deprive yourself forever, if i want to eat some chocolate im going to eat some chocolate if i want to eat a fat pizza express's pizza im going to but let's hope if i eat a little of what i want and crave i wont get to fat but i guess there's always exercise if worse comes to worse or even a spot of zumba on the odd day to get me a bit active. I would like to have a body of an actress or a singer but i guess if i keep on eating the way i am im not going to.
oh god the pressures of being a girl, with guys they can just eat what the want exercise as little as possible and still have pretty toned bodies but with us girls its eat as little as possible and spend hours upon hours int he gym or jogging just to lose a pound here and there.
i sometimes think why bother but i guess thats no way to think and i do need to change if i want to get into a better size bikini for next years holiday !!!

wishing i was there

anywhere but here. paris, rome, berlin, sydney, new york, barcelona, paphos, los angeles. why am i here stuck in boring old croydon why couldnt i be brought up in a place where there was more to do and better opportunties to be somebody.